Braved the barrage of Bruges' tourists and drizzle for art.

The day turned out OK.

Managed to find the Groeningmuseum to see the small collection there. While getting my tickets, my heart sank when I saw a guy with three kids lining up. "Great!" I thought, "bring them in here to be noisy and bored".

But just look at them!

Not one of them spoke louder than a whisper and they were really into reading their information sheets and spotting all the features of the paintings. I didn't manage to capture them in the act of pointing, but they did it a lot. They couldn't be more than about 8 or 9 years old. Well done, Sir! Well done!!!

Here is a photo of some European intellectuals looking at an Hieronymus Bosch painting.

My mood lifted further when I finally found where I could get tickets to see the museum inside the Church of Our Lady.

The white figure that is out of focus in the centre is Michelangelo's Madonna and Child.

What is with people digging up crypts...

And the confessionals start with a plain design for, I suppose your basic sins, and get more elaborate as the sins are ,,,, more ....profound... presumably.

I was so impressed by the lovely church I almost forgot I had another ticket to a contemporary art exhibition across the street... and I could not believe my eyes!

I fell in love with William Kentridge back in the 1990s when I saw his charcoal drawn animations on a documentary. This was back when the ABC played arts programs on Sundays, ahhh... memories. Remember when Australia wasn't frightened of the left agenda?

Well, there was a phenomenal exhibition of Kentridge's which completely absorbed the rest of my afternoon.

He created allegorical animations about South African issues by creating images with charcoal and chalk and erasing and re-drawing the images. The documentary showed long gorgeous sequences of his work.

Well, since then he has integrated shadow puppetry.

So beautiful.

Then upstairs was this incredibly beautiful video installation. Drawing animation, layered with live action players holding shadow puppets and painted sections. Just magnificent.

Then the exhibition continued upstairs where GIANT tapestries were made of maps with his puppets!!!!

Look at the detail!!!

So beautiful!

For more information about William Kentridge see here: https://www.moma.org/calendar/exhibitions/963 or good old wikipedia.

See you all in 2018!

A great day this has turned out to be. I'm suicidal, me mate tries to kill me, me gun gets nicked and we're still in fucking Bruges.

Yeah, I know how Ray feels.

I've been so moody lately. Is it the crowds? Is it the homesickness? Is it the hotel that really annoys me?

Well, yesterday I endeavoured to find a post office to send some heavy stuff home. Both blokes at the hotel said the "Post Offices are closed, Madam!" and it is the weekend "Madam!" on the 30th December "Madam!".

This city has more tourists than residents, I don't think so!

 I walked and walked and walked and after following Google maps to a "Poste" I discovered I had walked out of town to a store that sells stamps and coins for collectors.

The weather was quite warm 12 C so I went back to the hotel to leave my coat and ask again if they could at least post on my behalf, or if I could get a courier. "no, no no, what if they come in the middle of the night?!"

Seriously?

So I go back into the Markt (tourist-central) and just waft about till I see a nice quiet store that sells tapestries and lace. I bought a couple of tapestries - for those of you have enjoyed visiting my home, you will remember my bathroom door is glass - so I thought "Hmm... tapestries would give some privacy and some class.

Anyway, since my hand was in my pocket, I figured I'd ask about a Post Office. The shop keeper said "There is a Post Office across the street!" He took me outside and said "That is what BPS stands for!"

And sure enough... the souvenir store full of snow globes and fridge magnets was a fully operational post office open all day every day till 6 pm!!!

By this stage I had walked all over the city - to the city limits - wasted my whole morning!! So went home packaged everything up and sent myself all my trinkets to open up when I get home.

That made me cranky.

That, and the fact that there are so many crowds. It's hard to enjoy looking at the architecture when there is some huge bloke walking backwards into you so he can take another photo. Or just elbowing me as I walk along. I do everything I can to avoid human contact - you know that! Bruges is becoming hell on earth for me.

I was thinking of making it a quest to flip the bird in the background of people's photos. But I was concerned I might get arrested. I saw a man in costume (Top hat, big coat) pulling a wagon with puppet-type things getting photographed by a police officer and getting a "talking to". So figured the finger might be a bit brash for Bruges.

This Hotel: Ter Duinan Hotel is... well, its a let down after the others. There is a constant "wind" sound blowing through the vents. It's quite loud. I feel like I'm sleeping in a wind-swept arctic tundra. The door rattles all the time and everything outside the door is clearly audible inside the room. When I arrived to check-in there was laundry all over the hallway in the entrance and laundry baskets fill the hallways and staircase at all times of the day and night. (Mentioned the fact the hotel managers don't know anything about post offices in their own city). "Making up the room" seems to mean something different here (God! I sound like a posh git, now! But I did pay $$$ and I have a few things to compare it to including cheap hotels in Bali), They empty the bins and re-spread the doona. That's it. They don't vacuum, replace used toiletries, replace bedding... so...

TODAY: the last day of 2017 - I will spend in my hotel room napping and painting and will head out to the throngs of tourists later in the day to take some photos. Might try to get to see the Madona and Child at the Church of Our Lady if I can find where they sell the tickets. Groeningemuseum is a destination I will try for, if I can cope with the lines of people.

** Just got walked in on by hotel cleaning staff... opened my door and found me writing a scathing review of their hotel. Mmmm... revenge served cold.**

Here are some photos:

I call these three photos the "Breakfast Triptych" .

OK. Just had a shower... did I not mention the lack of hot water?! No. Well, the water is just off cold. Not warm, not freezing, not shower temperature either. Sigh.

Here's a nice quiet street in Bruges

Outside a lace shop:

I know exactly how she feels.

2017: Year of the Microsoft Help Response

I have been working at a boys school this year, primarily made up of male employees. What I have discovered is that all questions have a correct answer and a helpful answer.

Let me explain with the use of this old joke:

Two men in a hot air balloon is taken off course by a gust of wind among the buildings of city and he is lost. They see a man in the window of a sky scraper and hold up a sign "Where are we?". The man in the building holds a reply "You're in a hot air balloon!". One man turns to the other "I know exactly where we are n manages to land the balloon in a local park.

"How did you work out where we are from that sign?" said one man to the other.
"Well",  he replied, "That had to be a Microsoft building. His answer was technically correct, but completely unhelpful!"


I was reminded of this joke many times this year and most recently when I ordered lunch yesterday. I ordered spaghetti and a green salad. It would have taken 2 seconds to tell me that the size of the salad was sufficient to feed the African savanna section of a zoo. Instead, I had two enormous plates of food served to me I couldn't finish. One was called:

Green salad, mix of crudness.... how could I resist?!


** The hotel cleaners are still outside my room talking and banging about... ahhh the serenity. Had another knock on the door, this time they want towels. Fine have the towels. - Sure, I spent money to stay in this room and to be comfortable, but yes, the towels, we must have the towels. Bloody Hell! This never happened at Hotel Chambigues Elysees - I was left alone - if I wanted to stay in throughout the day, they let me!**


Alright, alright... I'll go out into the cold wind and rain. Thanks for your hospitality.

I'd be happy to go out if there was a chance I'd befriend a cocaine-fuelled racist dwarf.

Au revoir to Paris and Goedenavond to Bruges

Today I caught a taxi, a train, another train and a taxi to find myself  in the shoot location of one of the funniest films I've seen.

They say Bruges has more tourists than residents. I feel for these poor buggers. If I'm exasperated by wandering tourists, stopping in the middle of the doorways staring into space, imagine having to put up with this all year long everytime you go out for some bread and milk!?

So my last post was Xmas Day - my only day I stayed in and rested. I did go out to Le Train Bleu for Xmas dinner. I was almost going to give it a miss after the previous evening, but it was FABULOUS!

First course: Salmon and cream and potatoes and gingerbread croutons!

Followed by roast lamb and potato au gratin with blue cheese. Lovely!

Roquefort cheese and wafers with pears and walnuts.

Creamy rose flavoured thing with sweet white chocolate and a centre made of blackberries. The cubes are violet flavoured marshmallows. Amazing! Didn't smell like feet at all.

All in all, I recommend Le Train Bleu for a gourmet experience!

On Boxing Day I went  for a very long walk - to the Eiffel Tower and to Notre Dame. The tower is experiencing construction at this time and Notre Dame is experiencing long lines so I didn't bother.

My compulsion to avoid crowds has limited me seeing a lot of things, but I bit the bullet and returned to Musee D'Orsay.

"Buy a Paris Pass", they said.

"You won't have to line up" they said.

Lies.

After Xmas it got super cold.

(I'm pursing my lips to look french)... it was absolutely freezing, and of course it was the day I decided to find a post office to post home some things. The wind was blowing me over, the rain stinging my face.

So a bought a hat and a scarf.

So the 27th December was my last day of pounding the Paris pavements.

Here is the extent of my walking and why feet are killing me.

That's from the Arc de Triomphe down to Lyon. From Montmartre to Jardin du Luxembourg. That's a lot of walking.

To be completely honest, the museums are fabulous and I didn't get to see everything, but the city itself... meh. It's a sterile consumer-oriented mono-culture. Everyone was very nice though. But one of my beefs with France is that they have never accepted the idea that toilets should be provided as a convenience for all humans everywhere. Not in France! non non non! "We don't poop here!" No wonder with all the cheese they consume.

Anyway one of the highlights of my tour de France was my day trip to Amboise!

I had the loveliest trip on a train to Amboise- the final home and resting place of Leonardo Da Vinci.

I had a one hour stop in Orleans - which was good, because I prefer to see the original before I see the sequel.

Then once I hit Amboise! OMG!! This is what I was expecting of Paris, I suppose. Look at the castle!! Look at the lovely sunny day!!! a fantastic day for a trip to the countryside.

Then I hit Clos Luce. This is where Leonardo spend the last few years of his life. (I wonder if he had a cat on his bed back then, too?

Oh look..... there he is at the bottom of the stairs!

What was really wonderful, was the garden illustrating the plants he drew in his investigations.

And the stream running through the property is properly picturesque in a serious way. I mean, this is high grade picturesque-ness!

Of course the museum has lots of recreations of his inventions:

Goodbye Amboise - you are lovely!!

That trip was yesterday to Amboise -and it was a practice run to catching the train to Bruges today.

The first leg of the journey to Belgium was fine. Arrived in Brussels and the first thing to catch my eye was:

And everywhere in Belgium I have been so far... toilets... toilets... TOILETS!!!!! These people know about keeping hydrated and regular.

Thee second leg of the journey was.... well, Here is my facebook post:

"Accidentally got on a first class carriage to Brugge.

Stood between carriages till Ghent, but now I think I’ll go back to the space between the doors.

The guy next to me is groaning, elbowing me and playing with 2 phones that loudly ring every few minutes... the guy opposite is talking non stop waving his arms around in my face talking to a woman who is just continuously blowing a snorting nose.

I woman with her bags on the seat next to her (very crowded train) has not drawn breath.

Crash! Bang! Behind me. No idea. Three toddlers screaming and running up and down.

I laughed out loud and got weird looks.

Must be the hair."

I stood in the section between the carriages for the rest of the trip - I could see more scenery anyway!

Then about 2pm, I arrived in Bruges!

Look how "fookin" quaint it is!

(Ice skating in the town square)

And here's where Ralph Fiennes pushed Brendon Gleeson to his death.

My hotel is just around the corner from this scene.

The first thing I managed to do is find myself in a temporary art exhibition of Salvadore Dali's. Didn't take me long - narcissistic, misogynistic and devoid of meaning - not my thing really. But then my ticket got me into a huge Picasso exhibition (I missed the Picasso Museum in Paris) and a lovely little exhibition of Miro's late work from the 70s. I was completely alone with these amazing art pieces.

Miro - lovely lithographs of his paintings - some were for sale!

You can not deny Picasso's artistic genius despite the number of drawings he did grabbing a headless woman's breasts (there were two rooms of the same image)

(look at the details on the feathers!)

So that was an unexpected surprise and wonderful to be able to enjoy it without pushy tourist poking their mobile phones in front of my face.

Every second shop is a chocolate shop. I'm not exaggerating!

Here are some chocolate cats.

This hot chocolate is hot milk where you stir a lump of chocolate into it - it was full-on.

And here is the night sky over Bruges - look at that moon. The colour of the sky!! Amazing! It reminds me of a Van Gogh painting.

Goodnight all I'll post something in the New Year!